Awkward Acquaintances

Now the title of this post is a handful to type. I'm not sure if it was intentional or just a couple of words that so happened to be really hard to put together.

I have a few questions that I never found an answer to in 25 years of life:

1. How do you cross that line between acquaintances and friends?
2. How can you tell when a person is a friend and an acquaintance?
3. When is an acquaintance not a stranger, and a friend not an acquaintance?

I ask these because I was recently in a situation where I felt like that acquaintance/friendship line was crossed, but I'm not really sure about it. This person I met (who shall remain nameless) has shared with me some of the burdens in her life while I listened intently trying to get to know her from that hour that we got to talk -- well, she did most of the talking anyway.

Does that make me her friend, because I've given time to know her somewhat and was able to (I think) give her some comfort by listening? Can I consider her a friend because I gave her that time?

All the friends I have now are mostly a product of structured/environmental circumstance -- we went to school together, we worked together, we met in the same organization, etc. However I don't have friends yet that came from being total stranger (okay, I guess I've had girlfriends that were first total strangers, but we were introduced somehow by my existing friends at that time). But what about that person in the elevator that you just had a short conversation with a couple times before and at some point later became a longer conversation about her life and what's troubling her? Do we become friends if that conversation happens again and we gain more insight into each other's lives? How do you know when that division between acquaintance and friend has been crossed?

I can't be more specific about things but I am a little confused about this situation. I guess I should be in more of these situations to be able to get the hang of making acquaintances and/or friends more -- or at least do a good job with few attempts first then get better at it over time.

Bonding

I'm just writing a quick note saying how much fun it is to be able to bond with friends and family over the Internet. Talking with them for a few minutes can do great wonders with cultivating a bond that lasts.

So if you haven't talked with a friend or family for a long time already, try allotting a couple minutes to call -- it beats email hands down.

CHill.

Realize

It's been a while since I last blogged -- and I know it's been becoming a cliche. There has been a lot of things going on, lots of which are personal and concerns much of my day to day chores and tasks. Now I'm twittering more instead of actually writing long reflective posts. And then it hit me: I haven't been stepping back and looking at my life as much as I used to.

Part of this "not stepping back" has brought me much calm -- I don't get as depressed as I used to especially with what's been going on around me at different levels. I feel much more comfortable now of where I am currently in my life, and I feel much more at ease with who I am and who I have become. Keeping my head down and charging on has given me the chance to concentrate on the smaller things; enough to allow me to look at the bigger picture and assess really how far I've gone and how much farther I can go.

What this once in a while blogging has allowed me to do is to give myself a chance to not "get up for air" for a while. I contrast this as the breath I take in between strokes when swimming: in between breaths, I can concentrate on my form making sure I'm doing it right. When I do "come up for air" I then assess how far I've gone for that brief series of strokes. At the end of the lap (which is usually one quarter judging by my personal biological clock) I can count the strokes and see if I've been more efficient in getting to the end of the lap (less hassles, less stress, etc.) and get a chance to learn and adjust myself for the upcoming lap.

If you find the previous paragraph metaphorical, I can't blame you: I like writing metaphors. And this is what I learned about myself -- I can better absorb things going on around me and distill concepts if I can put it in a metaphor. I guess I've been doing it all my life, only now can I really take advantage of this.

So looking back now to the year that has passed, I set myself to learn a new programming language and I did: actually, am starting to learn a third new programming language this year alone. So I've gotten more proficient with Python programming thanks to the very nice Django web framework; I've dabbled a bit with Erlang; and I'm now trying to learn more Functional Programming Kung Fu with Haskell.

I look at the code I write and I see that I have changed in the way I think about solving problems. I've learned that I'm very much an A -> C coder (not claiming to be a genius, but I usually skip the "B" part between "A" and "C" in coming up with solutions). I'd like to be an A -> D coder and skip two intermediate layers of complexity/solutions to be able to deal with higher level requirements ("D") and deal with the lowest layer ("A") of the software development process. Although I have some experience coming up with scalable implementations, I have yet really to gain confidence (and proficiency) with designing/implementing scalable architectures. I know I'd like to move on to that level of proficiency someday, and may very well be a good goal to attain for next year.

I also realize that I had been blessed with a gift of teaching and that I shouldn't let this gift be wasted. So even though I was just toying around with the idea of actually teaching C++ programming, this time I think I'm in a better position to push through with this dream of mine. It is my passion for problem solving and teaching that I want to do good on my promise to help as much people learning C++ as much as I can -- it is from this passion that I have taken a more active role in writing informative articles in my C++ blog; and the same passion from which I'll help out with getting a C++ community started in the Philippines. This coming year should be a good time for me to start making good on that promise I made to myself.

Much of what's going on in my life has been personal -- I now realize that I do have a spending problem. And much like with any problem, actually accepting that it is a problem is the first step to really being able to try and solve it. I think I actually use spending as a coping mechanism for dealing with issues that come up in my life: may it be a new stage, a new challenge, or a just a change I wasn't entirely prepared for. Apparently this is the single thing that has caused me the most trouble as far as my net worth is concerned.

Another thing that's personal and getting serious is my wanting to take on the role of husband. Last year I was just playing with the idea, but as this year went on I found out that I am really wanting to add that role to the list of roles I already play (and move on from just being a "bachelor" to being a "husband"). Next year I want to focus on being more ready to fill that role by making sure I take full responsibility for my actions and decisions rather than just coasting by with a "come what may" attitude. I realize that I want to build my character and define more what kind of husband I want to be and what kind of partner in life I want to become.

And one last but very important thing I realize is that this whole year I have not been able to cultivate my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I feel like I've been completely neglecting this relationship as well as my relationship with my family. It's actually a little embarassing for me to admit this, but I should have been a better son/brother/cousin/nephew/grandson this year. Worse is that I have not been able to grow as a christian and at times I have not behaved the way a christian should. I realize I miss that daily conversation I used to have with the Lord and that I miss corporal worship. Most of all, I miss being part of a family -- be it my real family or a Christian Family.

So there are quite a number of realizations I've put here -- and other things I've left out. If you're reading this up to this point, I'd like to thank you for reading this far: if you know me, you'd understand that I really am like this even in real life. If you don't know me personally, I apologize because although much of what's written here seems rhetorical, I really want to engage in discussions and know what you think.

To the year that has passed and to the years that have yet to come, it's been good and I just wish it'll only get better.

CHill.

Swimming Again

After a good swim and a lot of things going through my mind, I've confirmed it. If you have a problem you can't solve right away then leave it alone for a while -- it may resolve itself on its own. Of course, that's barring any urgent requirements.

I'd like to write/talk more about it, but I'd rather sleep this one through. I'm just giving this blog some love.

CHill.

Was At BarCamp Manila Last Night

I'm just blogging a bit to let everyone know that I was at BarCamp Manila last night where I did a 7-minute presentation of the C++ Networking Library.

I'd love to write about more it, but I've got no time yet. More later.

CHill.