Mental Blabberings

sometimes... sometimes i feel that maybe what if feel is what i want to feel. or maybe its just that ive not beenm feeling the things i am supposed to be feeling. it has been officially a whole day of not making contact with the one person i love, and for the first time, it felt right. not bothering the person you love, and spending time for yourself is something i havent done in a while - and is something im planning to do more often. maybe its the new determination i found in her honesty, in her being straightforward, and the input from my friends that have made me more capable of at least doing some things for myself. the things i miss are slowly coming back and making their presence felt more than ever. what are these things i do for myself then? basically, engage in social activities that required me to be both active and passive (sports, and spectator sports...) as well as the occasional dates. in fact, i have one sceduled on wednesday, and once again, im excited in ...

life... thank God i'm alive. i couldnt imagine life if i were to live it as an active observer . maybe being an angel and just looking, observing, dreaming, and wishing would be a sucky way of being... i could only hope and pray that i would be an angel in my next life, if that were possible, so that i would be able to feel how much it was to be alive, and so that i could look after the loved ones i would be leaving behind. and so that i could continue to serve Him in the way i know best - be a servant, literally. i know i havent been the best christian lately, although i try my best to be a good person to myself and others. that to me, is how i could best serve him within the bounds of my self imposed liberality and the services i know best to offer. so how about you, have you thought of the possible ways of being a servant to him other than going to church every *day, or is that the best you can do? chill... ;-)

love is like a river. supposedly, love is never ending, infinite, and eternal. but how does it manifest itself? does it have to come in the form of gifts, words, actions? how do i let the person i love know that i love her? do i tell her? and then what, do i give her my undivided affection, time and attention? then do i ask her if she feels the same? and suppose she does feel the same, how do i know if she really loves me? or worse, if she says that the feeling is not mutual, then what am i to do? what am i to say? does having you own time and being able to be yourself constitute a good enough reason not to love? does having a person you like by your side give you enough reason to be complacent and scared to not commit to a relationship which takes some of your time and affection? does having too much to do other than love give you a suitable aliby to not even consider the fact that maybe, just maybe what you feel is already love? or is that feeling of suddenly increasi...

lost... i feel realy bad na i didnt get to go to my brod's wake. really so stupid of me - oversleeping... what a lame excuse. and what a silly thing to do. anyway, my prayers include my brod - knowing that he's there and that he's in a place that he's happier. how dont we just wish that there were a place like that here on earth...

busy i have been so *darn busy* since my last blog, that its almost impossible to put something of interest here... maybe its because im quite happy right now, and that there arent a alot of things bugging me, or is it just the weather... anyways, you get the point. :-) til next tym! hehehe! ;-)

love hurts. hearing things without being prepared to hear them is a shocking and traumatic experience. not only does it leave you nerve wracked, teary eyed and hurting, but speechless and confused. when you get hit physically, you feel where it hurts. but if you get hurt emotionally, you dont know what hit you, or how it hit you - all you know is that it hurts. big time. i wouldnt want to elaborate my condition but you could relate by imagining what if your best friend suddenly tells you to not call her. and does on explaining that it is too expensive (the call). putting it this way doest feel so bad, but then if you and your friend only get to meet and talk for only maybe once a week lately, then that statement doesnt make much sense. and sure, you can go ahead and ignore what she just said, but then she still said it, and a little later, you realize that she didnt realize (or she did, but didnt bother to tell you) that the reason for calling is because you want to talk t...

i should start studying... like my new lease in life, i gotta live through it... need to study and become a real student now. =) i wont be able to post anything of importance as of late, but ill try my best though.... chill ya'll... =)