Mental Blabberings

There's a cliché that goes something like "Every journey starts with a single step"  and I think it's not been said enough. Thanks to the messages of encouragement and support I've received from friends and family from all parts of the world my journey towards better coping and moving on is well under way. Before I go any further I would like to say thank you to everyone who prayed and sent their well wishes for us . I am humbled and grateful for the support I have received from all those who took the time to help me feel better. The first step for me was trying to figure out how I really felt. I couldn't do this while there were a lot of things going on around me. I needed to step away -- literally, took myself out alone for a long run -- and clear my mind. I had a lot of questions but not many answers. This journey I took alone for a couple of hours allowed me to breathe, get tired, feel pain, and identify how I really felt. I couldn't write about how ...

I've not been writing for a long time already but this time I can't keep this to myself. There's been too much happening to me and my family the past few days that I need an outlet. I've tried talking it out, being silent, and crying it out. Right now though I'm numb. I don't know whether I can keep this to myself and if I do I don't think it will be a good thing. Maybe other people have had the same experience or at least gone through the same thing. Maybe just the act of writing this out is going to be enough to make me feel something. There was a time in my life that I had thought I've been through everything. I thought everything that can happen to me would be something I can deal with. There was no doubt in my mind that I can handle anything. Unfortunately this latest one that happened to me and my wife wasn't something I was prepared for. Nor was I ready to deal with it in a manner that was controlled or well-thought out. I thought maybe if I...

I'm anxious to see my lovely wife and daughter again soon. I miss them so much. The Reasons I do what I do.