Mental Blabberings

over. now i am officially over. done with the stuff i used to do, which are walk around thinking that i'm a loser. how could i live like this? i thought so too. now i've seen that the only person i need to really love me is me. the only person that needs to tell me that i'm not a loser is me. and the only person i need to believe in is me. self centric? hell yeah. there is still room in my heart for love. that is, i still reserve some space in my heart to the someone who will inderstand me, be there for me, and love me. i wouldn't want to waste any more of my time on someone that's not gonna give me the attantion that i give her. i wouldn't want to be any more inconsiderate to myself than what i've already been. i want to move on, and that's what i've done. i know i need to get out and meet people. that's the least i can do for myself. and that's the most i can do right now. although my priorities have already shifted, i know tha...

let the whole net know that i'm a frikin' loser why does it have to always be that way? why do i have to deal with things i have no control over? have i been a bad man? why the hell won't she love me? no i don't care anymore. there's no more mister nice guy, and from now on i am officially a charitable narcissist (or did i spell that correctly?). charitable because i give love which is not being returned, and a narcissist because i love myself. from now on, i will concentrate on myself before i concentrate on others. i've been lifting weights, with my friends paul and belvs. and what i found out about lifeting weights is that you are not challenging anybody -- nor is anybody challenging you. it's more of challenging yourself to get to the goals that you've set for yourself. and these goals don't depend on anybody else but you. am i sounding self-centered? well guess what, i am self-centered. anybody who doesn't center his life on himsel...

spectator sport how great does it feel to be part of the scuffle? be part of the line of scrimage? the first five? be the anchor? be the main man? or how much fun would it be just to watch, and enjoy? i admit it. i am not the greatest swimmer or basketball player i know. there are tons and tons of other people that know more and do more than what i do. and knowing this, i learned that it really is very nice to be able to enjoy watching those that are better than you. swallowing the pride, and taking the back seat to someone more capable, and someone more deserving would be one of the most noble things a person could do. it's like a king giving his throne to the more rightful and capable ruler. for that king, i know i would want to serve if i had to. i would trade my running shoes or swimming trunks to watch someone much better than i am and enjoy it, than push myself and not accept that i couldn't do better. but if i knew i could still do it, then by all means, i w...

techie summer the summer season has started, and what a great way to enjoy it than to start hacking (or coding, for the misinformed) on old projects, and new ones as well... however, to the un-tech savvy people reading this blog, i'm sorry but i would have to get a little technical. first of, i'd like to start with a snippet of code, which i hope would be helpful to you and your endeavors. #include <math.h> int isprime(int n) { int prime=1; /* assume that the number is prime */ int dlimit, dit; if (n return prime; if (!(n % 2)) /* if divisible by 2 (or even) */ prime = 0; /* it's not prime */ dlimit = (int) sqrt ( (double) n);...

sick and tired i am sick and tired of the things that have been going on in my mind, and frankly i won't take any more of it. it's time for a change and hell, change will happen. i'll just keep balbbering in the following days outlining the changes that i will be making. and for now, i just want to remind myself that the only thing constant in the world is change.

anonimyty don't you kust love to be anonymous? when you really need a break, getting anonymous is the way to go. you should try it out, because it can either 1) let you know how fun it is to be another person (or not you... ;)) or 2) let you know how fun it is to be you, and miss it a lot. of course, you might be too full of yourself when you you realize that hey, i would like to be me again. but then most of us are, full of ourselves. i mean, who else would you want to be when you feel great as yourself? after all, you just wanted an escape. but then it is really nice to be involved with other people without them knowing who you really are. i mean, you would be starting with a clean state and be able to make that first impression that is so crucial to everyone. but alas, you return to your old life, and feel either refreshed or depressed. but then what do you ask for, a new identity? that would be too much. after all, you were just out for an escape. =) just chilli...

bring me down things and people bring me down, at the same time pull me up. these actions acutually cancel each other out, but it's hard to get the hang of always being pulled in two directions literally. one direction is towards the path of sheer failure, inadvertent incompetence and the so called easy way out. this is the most enticing path you could be offered at any given time -- a shortcut is always shorter than the shortest long cut. the other direction is towards the path of glorification, fame, and pure satisfaction. it is nice to work hard for your merits or points, and it sure is easier to bask in the glory of a job well done. it is like the feeling you get after scaling a mountain that almost took your life while at it. there are always forces like these similar in every situation -- if you knew a shortcut, would you go that route, or would you rather work for it the usual 'hard' way? i'm a masochist, so there should be no problem in making th...