Mental Blabberings

journal for the past few days (week, to be exact) i have been juggling around my schedule and seeing how in the world i'll be able to put up with such a hectic pace, when you need to think, act, move, live, and love at the same time. i know of the saying regarding doing things one at a time, but apparently it doesn't work. i've been too preoccupied to even try and keep this habit of writing to my blog regular, but then i really have to, since this is one of the best things i've ever done for myself. i have a class, which requires me to actually have a journal, and fortunately i already have this blog. my teacher then let me submit the URL of my 'journal' as a replacement for a paper/pen/pencil journal. and for the past week, i've been huffing, and puffing, and wanting to blow my house to where i actually spend time, so that i wouldn't wast so much time on the commute. the week ahead, is a week when hopefully things normalize, and turn for th...

swirl everything is in a swirl, and everything seems to get along with everything else, except me. it's like everything's passing me by, and i don't know why. it somehow feels like everything's meant to happen, but im not part of it. this kind of feeling is the one that tends to get me into depression and utter disconuity. but now i've learned to focus my efforts and learn from my surroundings. now, i just have to learn -- again. and what i learned before is to get into a new world, escape and start from scratch like a new person. and this is what i plan to do. i hope this works out for me. :) chill...

time being in a place where you are who you are, and at a time when later is now, makes it evident that you are one and all. being able to see who you really are, where you're really at, and know what you really know is the essence of being alive. taking time like it is a luxury escapes me as a concept because it really is something that you don't spend. you merely wade through it, like the sea that surrounds all land. time is that which holds everything in place and everyone attached. time keeps everything flowing, and continuity is always welcome to those who seek to live. everyone has his or her own being, that which who he or she alone knows. this being is not necessarily what others would like to see, and most of the time fail to see. to be someone that you are is something as essential as time to determine who you are now, and later. being yourself, and your being is one and the same. this is what time keeps in place at any given continous moment that you wad...

bad timing... when you get to know people, you have so mcuh time in the world to wait until you know what happens next. but sometimes, there's no continuation. nothing after the initial hi/hello. i've been contemplating on a certain event in my life when i was in hollywood. i was approached by two ladies, tracy and amber. they were really friendly -- not to mention young, gorgeous, and game. and instead of ceasing the moment, i chickened out. i didn't even get their numbers. poor me. what should i have done? i should have gotten their numbers at least. after all, what have i got to lose? i was alone, and they approached me. they even wanted to have my beads, but that's a different story. but then i got to thinking that there was one particular reason why i chickened out. it was the girl i loved so dearly. even though we were not in a relationship, i couldn't stop thinking about her during that time. she was all that was on my mind. i saw what i wanted t...

exploit? i've been hearing and reading a lot of things regarding exploitation and taking advantage, and even molestation. however, i'm in no position to comment on them -- until i actually tried studying one. after reading a paper posted by Florian Weimer regarding the possible exploitable code in the linux kernel, i went ahead and did some digging. and this was the initial product of my investigation. keep posted on the fix i might try and submit to the kernel developers regarding the exploitable code in the linux kernel. so i think that makes me a hacker. :) on something more relevant, today (or yesterday) i had a consultation with my thesis adviser regarding my thesis proposal and what i really wanted to do. and by God's grace, it was approved. although the paper is still to follow, this is a good start for me. until i actually finish the paper, i won't be giving details away. however, please email me if you want to get more information or if you'r...

no pain, no gain i am taking a time out on my weightlifting/bodybuilding routine, because i feel sore. literally. :) anyway, i believe in the saying that with no pain, there's no gain. i'm some sort of masochist, in the sense that i cannot feel anything until i feel pain. i am happy in some extent when i feel pain, because i feel alive. i believe that pain itself is a gain -- pain that comes with anything you do is a consequence of your action. this you gain for doing something, or some else doing something, or even something happening. feeling is very important, and one of the most moving and important feelings is the feeling of pain. so my chest muscles are getting bigger -- i see the difference after just about a month and some of bench presses and a whole slew of chest exercises. i cannot gain this without the pain i feel right now. they're really sore! :) well, again, no pain no gain. chill...

some things to think about... generally, im an intellectual person who gets a kick out of intellectual challenges. however, i am also a social critique and i'm not liking what i'm seeing. as an intellectual person, i value knowledge and intellect very much. attempts to stop learning and stagnate disgust me, and are acts that i consider unacceptable. however, everyone has his own preferences, history and reason. cutting myself some slack will only allow me to learn from other people, what they wouldn't want to learn for themselves. the world is a really nice place to live in, even if the world contains a lot of people you couldn't care less about. even if you think the world is better off without other people, you just have to live with the fact thaty they have their lives too, and you can't do anything about that. unless of course you take everyone out, which is really just out of the question. learning i believe is a life long process, which my mother ...