Skip to main content
sincere

how do you sound sincere? i mean, when do you know a person is really sincere? and if you knew for sure that the person you're talking to is sincere, would it change anything? would it change the way you feel about that person?

i've said no to the person i though i wasn't going to be able to say no to. i'm moving on, form the person i thought i could never move on from. but now i'm finding that at times, she sounds sincere, and sincerely concerned. even if i counsciously think about it, yes she really did sound sincere a while ago. but should that change anything?

and so now i think i know that she does care sometimes. it isn't said out loud, but then the thought comes when she says things that sound truly authentic.

her: "umuulan na... ay, wala kang payong?"
me: "wala e, pero ok lang." (after pausing for a moment to consciously taking note of her tone).

i couldn't stomach the thought that things like that were thought of before hand or rehearsed (scripted, or in a respository in the back of her head). and besides, it really sounded sincere.

me: "cencya ka na, inde na ako nakapunta... kasi andami kong ginagawa na kailangan tapusin." (to politely indicate that i've just turned down one of your requests, and that i'm trying to make it sound kind)
her: "ay, hinde, ok lang talaga. mukhang busy ka naman kasi talaga e."

now that was a good punch line. but this is the clincher:

i was walking from the corner of the street, thinking of what to tell her when i hand the paper bag to her. then i arrive at the door, and finally ring her to indicate that i was there. and the first words i heard from her were...
her: "uy, kamusta ka na?"

i don't know what to think now. but then just like with every conversation we used to have, there used to be this favorite part of mine which i will always cherish -- the part when right after we say goodbye, and look away i tell her i love her.

but that didn't happen, for the second time -- by design.

i now know that she's sincere at times, and that i just get lost in the sarcasm of it all. but i still lost the girl i loved -- it isn't her anymore. if that girl comes back, who knows. but for now, i do not know.

chillin'...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Help wanted: writing resources

I'm currently fleshing out a fantasy setting for a series of short stories rattling in my head that I'd like to get out into the world. However, it's the first time I'm even trying to do this, so I need your help: are there any good resources for world-building and writing guides that have been helpful in your projects? So far I've been really enamoured by Brandon Sanderson's world building and Patrick Rothfuss' storytelling. I suspect those two are at the pinnacle of the trade and I'm probably not going to do myself any favours by trying to live up to what they're doing, but I'd still like to give it the good college try. Are there any resources (forums, books, guides, blogs, or courses) that I should be taking if I want to do a decent first take at this? This is probably better as an email to friends and maybe some random folks (or maybe even a tweet) but why not a blog as well?
Post a Comment
Read more

Reconnecting with people

2021 started with a a good sense of connection for me, having spent time with friends and family in a simple celebration of the oncoming year. The transition from 2020 to 2021 and being able to look back at a good part of my recent history got me thinking about how life has been for me and the family for the past decade. There’ve been a lot of people that I’ve met and become friends with while there are those that I’ve left behind and lost touch with. There’s a saying about treating old friends different from new ones, which I do appreciate now that I’m a bit older. It also means that my relationships with people that I get to spend a good amount of time with take a different shape. This reflection has given me some time and space to think about what it means to reconnect with people. Friends are the family we choose ourselves. — Edna Buchman I have the privilege of having life-long friends that I don’t always stay in regular contact with. From my perspective, if I consider you a frien...
Post a Comment
Read more

Six-hour workdays for focus and productivity

Sometime in 2018 I experimented with a strict 6-hour workday. I negotiated this with my manager who at the time said it was worth the experiment. The idea would be for me to be at the office by 10am and be out by 4pm. This didn't preclude me from continuing to work while I was in the train, or at home. It was an experiment where I can remember some good and bad parts and this is a post looking back at that time. Ruthless prioritisation The first thing I needed to do as an individual contributor was to ruthlessly prioritise all the tasks I have to accomplish. This meant I had to put a budget on the amount of time I'm spending doing certain things. Additionally this meant I needed to remove  all unnecessary meetings from my calendar. This was defined as whether it was something I was needed to make a decision on anything. Being an individual contributor at the time the answer it turns out for most meetings in my calendar was "no". Some examples of things I've stoppe...
1 comment
Read more