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why is life like this? what did i do, or what have i not done to desrve this? why is SHE like that?

i learned a valuable lesson today. do not build your life around any one dream, unless you're prepared to fail. and unfortunately, my building my world around the person i love doesn't have a plan b. i don't know what to do now, but to sulk in misery and be alone for the meantime.

i build my life around a dream that one day, maybe one day i meet the perosn i am willing to live the rest of my life with. however, i never expected that person to not love me back for who i am, or for what i am and will be. i've built my world around the idea that someday, when i meet that person, we shall live our lives together happily. unfortunately, i never took into account the possiblity that either she doesn't come, or that when we meet things wouldn't go as plan. the big mistake i've commited is not preparing plan b, and now i am lost.

i have friends, and they are dear to me. the world i have built however does not revolve around me, nor my friends -- but for the person i have so long looked for, and now found. however, i have no contingency for the current situation wherein things are not going according to plan.

as most my friends know, i like taking control of my life, and not letting others decide my fate. i believe in preparing for everything, and being prepared for anything that could possibly happen. but the biggest loophole in my plan and the world i've built in, is that it isn't built around me, but rather someone else. i only realized that now, and now i am paying the price.

now all i can do is rebuild my world so that it revolves around me, and not anybody else. and for that to happen, i have to take into consideration what i want for myself, which i have been ignoring for the past years of my life.

from now on, i should live as i please, and not so for the person that i so dearly love. i should forget her now, because obviously she has already forgotten me. i hope that she can teach me on how to be insensitive, numb, and naive. but i know that's what i really want, but instead be myself and seek the person that deserves me, and i deserve.

i should start living in the real F'in world, and stop striving too much for the world i want for me or the person i so dearly love. i hope she does so too, and when we cross paths again, i'll just let it be.

i should chill.

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